If You Dance, You're Insane...

...say the people who don't hear the music.

The Doctor and the Medicine Man

I recently heard a story of a young doctor who worked in a hospital in the Navajo Nation. One evening an old Native American man with long braided hair came into this doctor's emergency room. The doctor approached the man, and asked, “How can I help you?”

The old man looked straight ahead and said nothing.

The young doctor, desiring to help this man, tried again. “I can't help you if you don’t speak to me,” he said. “Why you have come to the hospital?”

The old man looked at him and asked, “Do you dance?”

The doctor was puzzled by the strange question when it occurred to him that perhaps this man was a tribal medicine man who, according to ancient tribal customs, sought to heal the sick through song and dance rather than using some of the more modern medical practices.

“No,” said the doctor, “I don’t dance. Do you dance?”

The old man nodded yes.

Then the doctor looked at the man and asked, “Could you teach me to dance?”

The old man’s response was thoughtful and inspires great reflection. “I can teach you to dance,” he said, “but you have to hear the music.”

Can You Hear The Music?

In my nearly 10 years of partner dancing, I've come across a lot of lessons that can be taken from dance and applied to relationships. This story reminded me of one.

You can spend hours watching, learning and practicing a dance, but something magical happens when you put that dance to music.

The music breathes a life into the movements. It gives them meaning and purpose. Somehow dancing makes you one with the music... like your body is producing the notes while at the same time, the notes are moving your body.

A good dance to an amazing song with an amazing dance partner is the closest thing I've ever experienced to magic in my life.

In the world of relationships, there are many "dance steps" you can learn to help improve your relationship. There are tactics, and tips, and principles that you can implement with the hope of fostering more love and connection over time, but...

If you do the moves without hearing and feeling the music, the moves never feel quite right. Ever see a couple exchange pleasantries through gritted teeth when they are visibly upset with each other?

Right moves, no music

Have you kissed someone knowing you were going to break up with them later that night... and you just got this weird pit in your stomach like you're living a lie?

You were doing the moves, but there wasn't any music.

Ever agree to sex while rolling your eyes, or complain about bringing home dinner for the family, or give a compliment with a hint of sarcasm, or begrudgingly offer to help put the kids to bed?

The moves are there, but the music is not.

Sometimes we need a little help getting the music started up again.

It requires us to stop dancing for a minute and check our radio dial.

What frequency are we tuned into? Are we stuck on a station of resentment, exasperation and frustration? Are we listening to the exhaustion, impatient, and short-tempered show? Or are we tuned into the music of concern, gratitude, patience, appreciation, acknowledgement, service, kindness, and love?

When you get tuned into the right music, the dance transforms and becomes the most beautiful thing you'll experience in this life.

It's OK To Look Crazy

As you dance the dance of love you'll come across haters.

These people will give you a laundry list of reasons why love is a joke. They'll tell you you're delusional, idealistic, and destined to failure. They'll criticize you for your commitment. They'll argue that you're throwing away your freedom. They mock your displays of affection. They'll complain about their own loveless relationships to see if they can get you to do the same.

“Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.” -George Carlin

These people will look at your dancing and think you insane because they are deaf to the music of love.

You're having a dance party in your car, and they're looking at you through the glass like you're nuts. If you ask me, it's their loss.

Don't stop dancing.


What do you do to hear the music and dance with your partner? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

Episode #49 - Jim and Cindy (Part 2)

In part 2 In this week’s episode we wrap up last week's conversation with Jim and Cindy Wigdahl. Jim and Cindy have been friends for over 30 years, but have only been married for 4 or 5 years. Their story is amazing and sad and full of hope all at the same time. It will open your heart. I hope you love it.

In this conversation, we discuss:

  • Not trying to change each other.
  • Be a good listener.
  • The power of male friendships
  • Don't allow yourself to be drawn to a person who is exactly like you
  • Love yourself first
  • Being ok not having all the answers, and instead being a questioner
  • How losing your spouse changes your perspective of life
  • Loneliness
  • How do you know in 2 months that you were supposed to get married?
  • "I'm happy to be stuck with you." When you're single, if you don't like something, you just leave and find something else that you prefer.

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] If you love the smooth and sultry sounds of Jim's voice, you can check out his voice talent website <a href="jimwigdahl.com" target="_blank">here</a>. Leave your thoughts about this interview in the comments!

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If True Love Doesn't Terrify You, You're Not Really Getting It


Love has a way of always pushing your limits and exposing your weaknesses. If you're feeling stretched, pushed, or even terrified, it's a good sign that you're probably doing it right.

Be willing to go to that scary place, have the hard conversation, and confront your demons..

Pushing through your discomfort will only bring you closer together.

If your love is always easy, you're probably not growing... And that means you're missing out.

Episode #48 - Jim and Cindy Wigdahl

In this week’s episode we sit down with Jim and Cindy Wigdahl. Jim and Cindy have been friends for over 30 years, but have only been married for 4 or 5 years. Their story is amazing and sad and full of hope all at the same time. It will open your heart. I hope you love it.

In this conversation, we discuss:

  • What it's like to marry your friend of 30 years after not seeing them in nearly 2 decades.
  • Jim explains what it's like to be single till your mid-50's... and be happy about it.
  • The feeling of peace that results when you choose to be with someone.
  • The importance of your community supporting your relationship.
  • What it's like to have a short engagement, and end up really courting and getting to know each other after marriage.
  • Jim discusses how his concept of God has changed and grown since he has been married.

Favorite quotes from this episode:

"Don't ultimately hesitate to give your life away. Don't hesitate to release the thing that you cling to, because you will find that it will move into a better thing. And you will find yourself more fortunate because of it." -Jim Wigdahl

"Marriage will break you. It will destroy you. And that's a good thing. Because it will then put you together in a way that is richer, and deeper, and you will be more alive than you ever thought you could be." -Jim Wigdahl

[jbox title="Show Notes:" border="5" radius="15"] If you love the smooth and sultry sounds of Jim's voice, you can check out his voice talent website here. Leave your thoughts about this interview in the comments!


Practice Creates The Master


Practice makes perfect.

But practice - good practice - is rarely easy. It requires dedication and perseverance. It requires us to push through walls and do things we don't want to do.

Practicing love, especially when loving is hard, is the only way to master it.

You don't need to talk about it, justify it, or even dream about it. You just need to practice.

What areas in your life need improving? How can you lean into the discomfort and pain and force yourself to fall in love with the practice?

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