Why You Should Stop Looking For “The One”

You don’t go on a journey around the country to capture 100 great love stories and not think about what it means to find “The One.”

So many of us (women in particular) approach the next potential partner we meet and the first question we ask: “Is this The One?”

That’s a heavy question, isn’t it? It puts a ton of pressure on every interaction. We lose focus. We lose sight of the joy in meeting someone new, discovering who that person is, learning whether we dance well with him or her.

And unfortunately, that’s precisely the reason why we’re rarely able to accurately discern whether the people we get to meet could, in fact, be the one we really want to end up with.

“Is this person the one?”

That question hints at a lack of trust that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. The truth is, the next person that comes into your life is going to be EXACTLY the one. Maybe it’ll be for a conversation; maybe it’ll be for a lifetime.

The next person you meet will, in fact, be the one. And if there’s a person after that, he or she will be “The One,” too.

You aren’t responsible for predicting the next 50 years of your life whenever you go on a first date. That’s basically what you’re asking yourself to do by starting with the question, “Is this person the one for me?”

Your responsibility is simply to come to each One with an open heart, and an open mind. And let that person teach you what you need to know. So you can be a better woman or man. So you can be the best version of The One for the next One you meet. Because you’re someone else’s future “The One” too, you know.

And, if you’re lucky, you discover the lesson the world has been meaning to teach you all along:

That YOU are the person you’ve been waiting for. You are the limitless source of love. And whether you’re single or in a great relationship or in a relationship you’re questioning, that’s perfect for you.

You are where you are because there’s a lesson (or twenty) that you must learn to evolve to the next best version of you, which brings you closer to your next One.

So embrace where you are. Learn what you can.

The next person who walks into your life will be exactly the right One for the next set of lessons you need to learn.

And if they help you realize that you are, indeed, the One you’ve been waiting for—that there are a million reasons why you’re lovable and worthy…

I think that’s when you should hang on and not let go.


This article was originally posted on Melissa Joy Kong’s blog. Read more about what Melissa has written about life, love, and personal growth here.

  • kristendynamite

    I absolutely love this, Melissa. So well said, and a belief that really solidified for me this year. <3!

  • I agree with you Melissa. And when you find that one, you’ll be overjoyed. Hope you’re enjoying NYC!

    I blog at http://www.financialsamurai.com where I took the leap of faith and left investment banking after 13 years in the spring of 2012. It’s been a great trip!

  • ava

    copy pasting “Because you’re someone else’s future “The One” too, you know.” and putting it somewhere where I can see. It’s incredibly stupid that I’ve never thought of it. You spend all that time thinking there’s some “One” for you, but you never think that you might be someone else’s “One” as well. Whole new world of opportunity there that I never saw. How weird..

  • allieyp

    I just found your site… and have been reading around…
    This post today, this is exactly what I needed to read. I know that the lesson I’m learning right now is my own worth and happiness in myself before I can truly experience it with anyone else. It doesn’t make the lesson easier knowing what it is, but it made it easier to read it from someone else’s view point. Thank you for all of your research and insight.

  • Alessandra Guerra

    Wow… I just found about Loveumentary… And I’ve being reading your MISSION and your writtings as well as the one from Nate, I posted them on FB as well…Amazing… Well written… Easy and simple to understand even if LOVE is a very subjective topic… You made it sound so easy to achieve… Way to go! BRAVO!