Is Monogamy a Natural Human Behavior?

Warning: The above video is NSFW for language… and it’s also very controversial, which is exactly why I’m posting it.


Throughout written history, men have had concubines and mistresses. Marriages were seen more as a property transaction than a mutual unity of two people who loved each other. It wasn’t until relatively recently that monogamy and fidelity in marriage have become the standard.

Now we see our society overrun with short-term relationships, infidelity, and divorce. Dan Savage, (the guy in this video) and many others believe these relationship trends are a result of humans being inherently bad at committing to one another for long periods of time. It’s just simply not in our nature to be exclusive long-term.

Regardless of how you feel about the issue, I believe that a large reason for infidelity and divorce is that we’ve been taught to believe that monogamy can be effortless. If you’re in love with someone, you won’t want to have sex with anyone else. Ever. Right?

Wrong.

Attraction exists, and falling in love does not flip a switch in your brain that limits your ability to be attracted to solely one person.

So, rather than teach that when you are in love you won’t be attracted to other people, we should teach that when you’re in love, you choose not to be intimate with other people despite the possibility of being attracted to them.

Monogamy simply means that the value of your current relationship is simply higher than the value of your sexual gratification with another person.

What do you think? Is monogamy a natural human behavior? Is it human to want to spend our lives with only one person for 40, 50, or 60 years? Is it bad to desire someone else when we’re in a committed relationship? Should we rethink how we interpret fidelity in long term relationships?

Tell me what you think in the comments.

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I'm the creator of The Loveumentary. I believe that just like art, language, and music, love is a skill that can be developed and mastered if you have the right training, mentors, and a high level of commitment. My hope is to help bring the possibility of extraordinary love to you and others like you. Thanks for reading! Please drop me a line or leave a comment if you have any questions or feedback.

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